Shamed
by Prinzessin
Summary: Post "Snow Day" What happened to Adam? Contains spoilers for the episode.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Shamed  
Summary: What happened to Adam after "Snow Day" (Spoilers for the episode)  
Disclaimer: CSI:NY and related characters belong to CBS and other lucky people.  
Author's Notes: I know I'm late on this, but I _finally_ finished it to my satisfaction. Not beta'd, so all mistakes are mine.

--

Still at the scene, Adam sat on a crate against the wall, cradling his injured hand. His eyes darted all over, never settling on anything for more than a couple seconds. Then he saw a pair of medics come rushing into the warehouse and he watched as they raced past him to where Lindsay had settled Danny down. He watched with fearful eyes as Danny was placed on the stretcher. He watched as the medics got Lindsay out of their way as they examined him. Then he watched as the stretcher was pushed back to the ambulance.

The events were swirling around his head like a never-ending tornado, and a small part of him didn't want them to stop. In the truck, he'd been scared and shaking. And he was still scared and shaking. He'd heard that one of his captors was dead, and that the other was seriously injured since Danny had thrown sulfuric acid in his face. His darting eyes saw police officers around him, but he still didn't feel safe. He wasn't sure if he ever would again.

"There you are!" he heard an unfamiliar voice from one side.

Out of instinct, he turned to see a young female officer two feet from him. He didn't move, he didn't open his mouth. He only looked at her, blinking.

"Oh, it's alright now," she said, reaching a hand out towards him.

He moved then, shrinking away from her. An image of the masked captors flashed in front of his eyes, and the fear was taking over.

He watched as she took a step back, her hands up to show that she was of no threat. Adam still eyed her warily, studying her as she stood in front of him. His posture didn't ease at all, but he moved back to where he'd been. And she took it for what it was, a tiny sign of trust.

"An ambulance is coming for you. Detective Flack said that you need a hospital, and that there's no argument about that."

Adam nodded slightly, but remained silent. Nothing more was said as he went back to watching the commotion around him while keeping an eye on the officer. It wasn't long before a medic with a kit came right to him.

Swallowing hard, he allowed the medic to tend to him, flinching whenever the medic's hand touched skin. Adam was soon on a stretcher, in an ambulance, on his way to the nearest ER. It wasn't a long ride, and Adam was grateful. There was a flurry of action, and he resigned himself to just let it happen. Soon, the cuts were cleaned, as well as the burns, which were also bandaged. When the commotion calmed down, Adam found himself in a clean set of hospital scrubs, a bandage on one hand and an IV in the opposite arm. He vaguely remembered being told that there was saline, antibiotics and a pain reliever in the bag that was slowly being emptied into his bloodstream.

Exhaustion finally overruled Adam's hyper-vigilance, and his muscles relaxed as he sagged into the bed. But before he'd close his eyes, he had one more thing to do.

"Danny Messer?" he asked the nurse who'd come in to check on him.

With a sad smile, she answered, "It'll take some time, but I think your friend will be alright."

With that, Adam closed his eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep.

--

It all played again behind his eyelids, feeling the same things he did when the attack initially happened. Reliving it in his sleep made him wake with a start, opening his eyes to find the room darkened.

"Adam?" a familiar voice asked, and Adam slowly turned his head toward the voice. "You're alright now."

The figure reached out, and Adam was too foggy to react. A hand came to rest on his forearm with a slight squeeze, and stayed there. It took a few minutes, but Adam slowly became aware of the other man in the room.

"Doc Hawkes?" Adam hoarsely asked, his throat parched and scratchy.

"Sounds like you could use some water," Hawkes said, moving the hand on Adam's arm.

After some rustling, Adam had his cup of water, which he drank slowly under Hawkes's watchful eye. Once it was emptied, Hawkes took it and disposed of it. Then he sat back down, his hand going back to Adam's arm.

"What're you doing here?" Adam asked tiredly, slurring his words a little.

Hawkes shook his head a bit, then answered, "Making sure you aren't alone."

"Danny?"

"Lindsay's with him. Stella was here earlier, she's been floating between the two of you."

"Mac?"

"He's been around. He was heading toward London, but he didn't want to go anywhere while you and Danny were in the hospital."

Adam brought his hand up to his chest, bending his opposite arm as best he could to cradle the injury. Hawkes moved his hand as well, never losing contact with Adam's arm.

"I'm sorry," Adam said, shaking his head slightly. "I'm so sorry. I screwed up, it's all my fault. I'm so sorry."

Ignoring Hawkes' protests to the contrary, that was Adam's mantra until he fell asleep again. And the doctor was left wondering what Adam was talking about.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: CSI:NY and related characters belong to CBS and other lucky people.

--

The door opened slowly, and Hawkes looked up to see Stella poke her head in. With his free hand, he waved. She entered the room, carefully navigating her way through the dark room.

"How's he doing?" she asked quietly, sitting in the free chair on the other side of Adam's bed.

Hawkes only shook his head sadly. Then he told her about what had happened.

"I just wish I knew what happened," he finished, exhaling as he leaned back in the chair.

"I do too," Stella agreed. "Danny's in no condition to tell us anything."

"And from what I've gotten from the doctors here, and seen for myself, Adam's too traumatized."

Stella whispered, "I would be too."

Hawkes only nodded. "How about the officers?"

"Flack might know, but he hasn't gotten down here yet. I plan on asking when I see him."

"Seeing that guy with Adam's ID around his neck…Adam's blood on it…" Hawkes trailed off, not needing to finish the thought. Stella already knew.

"Go home," Stella gently ordered. "I'm not going anywhere."

Being alone with Adam wasn't a new experience. However, being alone with a quiet, beaten Adam was. Stella gently brushed Adam's cheek with the back of her fingers, one hand on Adam's wrist since his hand was bandaged.

Stella had gotten the list of Adam's injuries from Hawkes, who'd talked to the doctor. As Hawkes told her about the burns, Stella's throat constricted and a tear fell. She didn't want to imagine what Adam had gone through, and she vowed to help him get through. Danny had Lindsay, and Adam would have her.

Hours passed before Adam woke again, this time due to the workings of a nurse. Stella was in the room as well, calming him when the nurse startled him awake. Breakfast was a quiet affair since Adam was quiet and Stella was taking her cues from him. It wasn't until they were alone that Adam dared say anything.

"Stella?" he said, his voice still a little hoarse.

"Yeah?"

"How much trouble am I in?"

"Trouble?" she repeated, looking at him curiously. "None that I know of, why?"

"I gave up my ID and the codes…"

"Adam, you didn't exactly to it freely. No one can blame you."

"I really am sorry," Adam said sadly.

"I know," Stella replied, rubbing his arm soothingly. "But you don't have to be."

"How's Danny doing?"

"He's going to be okay," Stella answered, choosing her words carefully. "He'll have to have surgery on his hand, but other than that- it's just gonna take some time."

Adam nodded slowly, the headache a constant reminder of the concussion he had. "I should've done more…"

"Adam," Stella gently warned. "Don't. Don't do this to yourself."

"He did everything…"

Stella sighed, she didn't want to argue with him, but she wasn't going to let him beat himself up either.

"You did good," she stated.

Adam looked over at his disbelievingly, and Stella only looked back, her expression serious.

"Look," she sighed, "I may not know exactly what happened, but I know you well enough to know that you did good."

He was tired, but could still read Stella's expression. He knew she didn't blame him for what happened, no matter how much be blamed himself.

"Stell?"

"I'm not going anywhere, Adam. Go to sleep, I'll be here when you wake up."

He smiled a bit at those words, then whispered, "Thank you…for everything. For being here."

And he fell asleep, her gentle hand on his arm, serving as his constant reminder that he was now safe and cared for.

--

Watching Adam sleep sapped the rest of Stella's energy, and her heavy eyelids closed. A hand on her shoulder shook her from sleep, and she blearily looked up to see the familiar blue eyes of Detective Don Flack.

"Flack?" she half-asked, half-groaned.

"Figure you'd want to know ASAP that I'm here. How's the kid?" he asked, nicking his head toward a still-sleeping Adam.

Stella only shook her head in response. "I take it you've seen Danny."

"I went by, but he's getting his hand fixed now."

"Good," she sighed. "Adam won't talk about it, about what happened. I was hoping you could fill me in."

"I just know what my guys said. Mostly, they said your boy there went through Hell, and still had the balls to keep them from getting shot."

"All he'll say is that he thinks he's in trouble for handing over the codes and his badge…"

"After those bastards took a lit cigarette to the palm of his hand…multiple times. Stel, he's got two guys who'll watch his back anytime, no matter what. He's definitely a tough little lab rat."

Stella nodded slightly, smiling a bit. "You mind telling him that when he's awake. The last part, I mean."

Flack shrugged, "Sure. Why?"

"He's really beating himself up over what happened, especially to Danny. I think it'd mean a lot coming from you."

"From what I heard, I don't see what he's got to beat himself up over."

"I think he feels he didn't do enough to help Danny."

"He did, Stel. He did. He went and got some chemical from his kit while Danny distracted the kidnappers…he did the best he could in that situation unless you train your lab rats for that kind of stuff.

"Definitely not," Stella replied. "I just wonder if we'll get Adam back out in the field after this."

"He'll be back out there," Flack stated. "It'll just take some time."

--

Stella was Adam's constant, and when she wasn't there, one of the officers was. But the lab was eventually repaired, and everyone had to return to work. But there were phones, so Stella was still his constant. And on the day of his release, there she was there, and not alone.

Adam was sitting on his bed with his legs crossed in front of him and a magazine in his lap. He'd long since gotten used to the various hospital noises, so when someone knocked on his door, he only looked up.

A laugh escaped his lips. In his doorway was a large teddy bear being held up by six helium balloons and a pair of arms clad in brick red. Underneath the bear were a pair of human legs in form-fitting blue jeans and black heels.

"Come on in, Stel," Adam said, Stella having given him permission to use the shortened form of her name. Seeing her standing in his doorway with such a massive bear made Adam smile like he'd never smiled before.

"I can barely see where I'm going," Stella mumbled as she cautiously entered the room. She set the bear down in a nearby chair, and Adam smiled again, this time at her unintentional pun.

"Ready to get out of here?" she asked, sitting on the foot of his bed.

"As I'll ever be," he answered. "The doc's just getting the forms ready. Thanks…you know…for the ride home, and everything."

Stella couldn't help but smile fondly as she reached out to muss Adam's hair. With his good hand, he immediately smoothed it back down, though it didn't really help. But Stella wasn't going to mention that. He was soon signed out and on his way home with Stella behind the wheel.

"You sure you don't want me to stay?" Stella asked again at the door to his apartment, heading back to the lab after she'd seen that Adam was settled at home.

"Yeah, I'm sure," he said quickly.

She spent enough nights by his bedside to know all about the nightmares that plagued him, and so she didn't quite believe him. But to save his pride…for now, she merely nodded.

"You know what to do if you need me…if you need anything."

Adam nodded this time, then said, "Call you."

"Knew you were smart," she smiled, tapping his nose with her finger. "I'll call you later."

And with that, Adam was home alone. With the door shut and bolted behind Stella, he listened as she walked to the elevator. Then he sprawled out on the couch and turned the TV on.

"Let the healing begin," he muttered to himself before allowing his attention to be diverted by a science program.

FIN


End file.
